As your faith is strengthened you will find that there is no longer the need to have a sense of control, that things will flow as they will, and that you will flow with them, to your great delight and benefit. ~Emmanuel
Wow. What a difference a night can make. Andrew left in the early part of the evening last night with Miller and two friends with plans to hike a few 14’ers today near Breckenridge. Chasie was having a particularly emotional evening and very weepy and scared about Andrew’s cancer. She was torn about whether to go with them, or not. Not really wanting to go, yet concerned that Andrew would be sad, and concerned that Andrew might never hike a 14’er again after his surgery. We both encouraged her to stay home and I invited her to have a sleep over with me. She liked that, took a nice shower, and settled into our bed with her book. Lang also cried last night. She expressed her fears that Daddy might have a heart attack on the mountain “because of his cancer”. Of course, we assured her that Daddy’s heart was in excellent shape and that he would be fine. Our dear precious, Andrea, has encouraged us to keep reminding the kids that everything will be ok, no matter what. No matter the outcome, no matter the prognosis, no matter the experience. Because, of course, everything WILL be fine. There is so much love and holding and FAITH, and with that, how can everything not be fine? Yet, last night, Andrew and the boys left, I spent time getting the girls settled and calm, and I sat down to write and share the news of the day. I was struggling and I was scared and more than anything, I was sad. Sad for Andrew, sad for our kids, and perhaps a bit sad for myself. Yet, again – I am AMAZED at the grace in which our community of family and friends continues to hold us. I wrote, I trusted to share and I felt calmer. THANK YOU.
So, as I said, what a difference a night can make. Andrew read my post last night and wrote to me thanking me for posting. I offered to delete the blog and his response was “no, the post was amazing and right on”. He reflected on how sobering the afternoon call was, and that upon reflection, he was holding STRONG. He used words like FAITH, SURVIVE, GRATITUDE, LIGHT, ACCEPTANCE, PERSERVERE, LOVE, and STRENGTH. Andrew, the man with the cancer, picked me up and held ME, last night. He gracefully reminded me of all that I already know, and in turn, reaffirmed his own faith and strength.
And this morning, I awoke to the most incredible expressions of love and support and reminders of FAITH. And I assure you, that Andrew and I are in a place of deep FAITH and love and TRUST. I have heard from many that with a cancer diagnosis also brings a roller coaster of experiences and emotions, and I can attest to this. For now, and for today (or at least for this moment), I am in a strong place, standing beside Andrew. In love, in grace, in strength, in light, in LOVE.
I am in such deep appreciation for ALL of YOU who are holding Andrew, praying for him and loving him. And I am humbled. And I am in a place of great delight this morning. THANK YOU.